Know Your Stars: The Mummy
by WhySoSerious1992
Summary: I was looking for Know Your Stars fanfics, and I couldn't find any about The Mummy, so I decided to do one. Flames will be used to bake cookies.
1. Rick O'Connell

A/N: This is just something I thought up one Sunday.

Disclaimer: The Mummy and its characters belong to Stephan Sommers. I own nothing.

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First Victim-Rick O'Connell

Rick walks out to an empty stage and sees a chair, so he sits down.

Announcer: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars….

Rick: Who's there?

Announcer: Rick O'Connell….he sleeps with a night light.

Rick: No I don't! I'm not afraid of the dark!

Announcer: Then why did I find one in your room by a teddy bear?

Rick: Leave Beary out of this! I mean…uh…

Announcer: Rick O'Connell….he likes to dress up as Brittany Spears and sing in front of a mirror.

Rick: Why would I do that, that's completely insane!

Announcer: So why do you do it?

Rick: I don't!

Announcer: Riiiiight…..Rick O'Connell….he likes to try on Evelyn's shoes.

Rick: Well, they _do_ make me taller-I mean, no I don't!

Announcer: Rick O'Connell…he's not even a man.

Rick: What are you talking about, of course I am!

Announcer: Prove it!

Rick: I don't have to prove it, I am a man!

Announcer: Suuure you are….Rick O'Connell…..He was let out of the nut house early.

Rick: Only a month early!

Announcer: Now you know Rick O'Connell, the Brittany Spears impersonating, high heel wearing man who's really a woman and who's afraid of the dark

Rick: No they don't! Come back here and tell the truth!

A/N: Next up-Evelyn!


	2. Evelyn Carnahan

A/N: Again, I own nothing

Evelyn Carnahan walks out on the stage and sits down in the chair.

Announcer: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…..

Evelyn: Hello? Who's there?

Announcer: Evelyn Carnahan….she's an alcoholic.

Evelyn: I beg your pardon? What on earth makes you think I would ever even touch alcohol?

Announcer: Evelyn Carnahan….she beat Rick up when he tried to take her to an AA meeting.

Evelyn: I did not! And I am NOT an alcoholic!

Announcer: Evelyn Carnahan…she's in denial.

Evelyn: Would you please shut up, already?

Announcer: Make me. Evelyn Carnahan…her mother was a giraffe.

Evelyn: Excuse me? A giraffe? My mother was a well-respected citizen, thank you very much!

Announcer: Don't you mean a well respected animal citizen?

Evelyn: No I do not mead animal citizen, I mean human citizen! Stop lying!

Announcer: Evelyn Carnahan…..she's a chicken nugget.

Evelyn: I am most certainly _not_ a piece of chicken! I'm a human being!

Announcer: Evelyn Carnahan…..she went out with Beni.

Evelyn: Ewwww! Why would I go out with that horrid little man?

Announcer: Because you have a shrine dedicated to him in your closet, that's why.

Evelyn: No I don't!

Announcer: Now you know Evelyn Carnahan, a half-giraffe alcoholic chicken nugget who's obsessed with Beni.

Evelyn: I'm not obsessed with him! And, no they don't! Get back here!

A/N: Next chapter is about Jonathon.


	3. Jonathon Carnahan

I don't own The Mummy or Jonathon Carnahan.

A slightly drunk Brit walked on the stage. Seeing a chair, he stumbled over to it and slumped down.

Announcer: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Jonathon: Hello? Who's there?

Announcer: Jonathon Carnahan….he watches Barney.

Jonathon: What the bloody hell is Barney?

Announcer: Jonathon Carnahan….he sleeps with an Elmo doll.

Jonathon: Who's Elmo?

Announcer: Jonathon Carnahan….he was caught making out with Evelyn.

Jonathon: What?! That's disgusting, she's my sister!

Announcer: So why did you make out with her, huh?

Jonathon: I didn't!

Announcer: Says you. Jonathon Carnahan….He's a drag queen.

Jonathon: I do not dress in women's clothing!

Announcer: Jonathon Carnahan….he got beat up by a little girl.

Jonathon: Did not!

Announcer: Jonathon Carnahan….he takes baths in corn syrup.

Jonathon: …ew.

Announcer: Jonathon Carnahan….he's a potato named Steve.

Jonathon: What? I'm not a potato, I'm a human being! And my name is Jonathon, NOT Steve!

Announcer: Now you know Jonathon Carnahan, the drag queen potato whose name is Steve, bathes in corn syrup, and makes out with his sister.

Jonathon: No they don't! They don't know a thing about me! And my name is Jonathon, not Steve! Hello? Are you even listening? My name isn't Steve! And I don't bathe in corn syrup! TELL THEM THE TRUTH!!!

A/N: Come on down, Ardeth Bay!


	4. Ardeth Bay

A/N: I don't own The Mummy or its characters.

Ardeth Bay walks onto the stage, then sits down in the chair.

Announcer: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Ardeth Bay: Who's there?

Announcer: Ardeth Bay…He's a Satanist.

Ardeth: What? No I'm not!

Announcer: Are too!

Ardeth: I am not!

Announcer: Oh yeah, then why do you always wear black, huh?

Ardeth: Lots of people wear black!

Announcer: Oh yeah? Name five.

Ardeth: Um….

Announcer: Told you. Ardeth Bay….he's in league with Imhotep.

Ardeth: Don't be absurd! I wish to_ prevent_ the creature from ruling the world, I'm not about to help him!

Announcer: Sure you are, and I've got photographic evidence!

Ardeth: No you don't!

Announcer: Yes I do!

Ardeth: Prove it!

Announcer…you're a Satanist!

Ardeth: NO I AM NOT!

Announcer: Now you know Ardeth Bay, the Satanist who's in league with Imhotep.

Ardeth: You're insane! I'm not in league with the creature! And I'm NOT a Satanist! Hello? Are you listening? I AM NOT A SATANIST!!!

A/N: Short chapter, I know, but I couldn't think of anything else to add. Next up is Beni, and it'll be longer.


	5. Beni Gabor

A/N: Once again, I don't own anything or anyone.

Beni walks onto the stage and sits down in the chair.

Announcer: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Beni: Hello?

Announcer: Beni Gabor….his real name is Benjamina.

Beni: No it's not! It's Beni!

Announcer: Beni Gabor…he's in love with Rick O'Connell

Beni:………..ew.

Announcer: Beni Gabor…he plays with dolls.

Beni: I do NOT play with dolls!

Announcer: Yes you do.

Beni: Do not!

Announcer: Do too!

Beni: Do not!

Announcer: Do not!

Beni: Do too!

Announcer: Told you so. Beni Gabor…he would trade in his own mother for gold.

Beni:…how much? I mean, no I wouldn't!

Now you know Benjamina Gabor, someone who would trade his own mother in for gold and plays with dolls.

Beni: No they don't! They don't know me! My name is Beni, not Benjamina! I wouldn't trade my mother in for gold! I DON'T PLAY WITH DOLLS!!! ARE YOU LISTENING? HELLO?

A/N: Next will be Imhotep Laughs Manically


	6. Imhotep

The Mummy and its characters don't belong to me. They belong to Stephen Sommers.

A fierce looking man walks up to the dreaded chair and sits down.

(A/N Since Imhotep speaks Ancient Egyptian, the announcer will be speaking in his native tongue._ Italics are Ancient Egyptian. _ Don't ask me where she learned how to speak it, she just did.)

Announcer:_ Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…_

Imhotep: _Who's there? Show yourself!_

Announcer: _Imhotep….he was planning on keeping Evelyn and forgetting about Anck-su-Namun._

Voice from the audience: _What?!_

Anck-su-namun comes on stage and slaps Imhotep.

Imhotep: _Ow! What did I do? I never planned to keep her! I love Anck-su-namun and no one else!_

Announcer: _So why did you just say you weren't planning on keeping Anck, huh?_

Imhotep: _I never said that!_

Announcer:_ Yes you did! You said, and I quote, 'I never planned on keeping her!' Unquote._

Imhotep: _I was talking about the __other__ one!_

Announcer: _Gasp! You mean there was __more__ than just Evelyn??? Imhotep, shame on you! Cheating on poor Anck with not only one but several women? For shame!_

Imhotep: _Huh?_

Once again, Anck-su-namun comes on stage and slaps him not once, but twice.

Anck-su-namun: _How could you? Sleeping around with other women as if-as if I was nothing more to you than a mere __concubine__! We are __through_

Imhotep: _Anck, no, I never-I would never do that to- how could you think-why would I tire of you?_

Anck-su-namun: _Oh, so you admit of tiring of me! Good-bye!_

Imhotep looks up at the ceiling, looking for the announcer.

Imhotep: _You! This is your fault!_

Announcer:_ How is this my fault? I'm not the one who cheated on my lover. Anywho, now you know Imhotep, the feared mummy who cheated on his girlfriend._

Imhotep: _No, they don't know me! And I did __not__ cheat on my girlfriend! Hello? Are you listening to me? HELLO???_

A/N

Yay! I'm finished! FINALLY!

Although, I could write one for the Americans. All I need are reviews to tell me how I'm doing. Reviewers get a cybercookie! (I'm looking forward to when we'll actually be able to pass food through the internet, like a scanner)


	7. Mr Daniels

And now, without further delay, heeeeeeeere's the Americans! First up, Mr. Daniels!

Daniels walk onto the stage and sits in the chair of doom.

Announcer: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Daniels: Who's there?

Announcer: Mr. Daniels…he has a short temper.

Daniels: I do not!

Announcer: Do too!

Daniels: Shut yer face!

Announcer: Told ya so. Mr. Daniels…he's a munchkin.

Daniels: I ain't no munchkin!

Announcer: Mr. Daniels…his temper isn't the only thing short about him.

Daniels: You callin' me short?

Announcer: Yep. Shouldn't you get back to Oz, lil' munchkin?

Daniels: Damn it, I ain't no munchkin!

Announcer: Language! Watch your mouth, lil' munchkin!

Daniels: I ain't a munchkin! Stop that!

Announcer: Now you know, Mr. Daniels, a short-tempered munchkin.

Daniels: I AIN'T A MUNCHKIN!!!!!!!

**A/N: **next up, Henderson!


End file.
